Just thought I’d advice all those having difficulty staying away from haram relationships aka boyfriend/girlfriend issue.
(Tried as much as possible to cut it short but this is how “short” I could make it. Don’t give up reading halfway, please. Try to read everything please. Be open minded. Hope you find it beneficial in shaa Allah)
Here’s the truth:
One can’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s either you are single, engaged or married. Therefore it’s haraam to have a relationship with a boy, vice versa in islam. In other words, it is impermissible for young, unmarried men and women to have any sort of physical relationship except for lawful marriage. That is what Islam has ordained for us. And there’s wisdom & reasoning behind whatever is prohibited in islam….even if you do not understand why.
The Qur’an makes it clear in Suratul Ma’idah, Chapter 5, verse 5;
“Made lawful to you this day are At Tayyibãt (meaning all kinds of Halal [lawful] foods). The food of the people of the Scripture is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from those who were given the Scriprure before your time, when you have given their due Mahr, desiring chastity and not comitting illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as GIRL FRIENDS. And whosoever disbelieves in the Faith, then fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.”
Perhaps you are thinking “Oh no! She’s one of those people who take religion to the extreme.”It’s not in any way extreme & I am not extreme
The westerners have made it seem or look “halal” whilst it’s not. We all know it’s not. It’s the complete opposite. Any relationship outside wedlock is haraam. The world changes but that doesn’t mean our religion or it’s principles is/are going to/should change.
Have you ever heard of any sahaba who had a girlfriend or rather any female companion of the prophet who had a boyfriend Or the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم having a girlfriend (Allah forbid), no? Yeah, thought so too. They all had husbands, wives NOT boyfriend, girlfriends as most muslims do nowadays, most especially them teenagers!
I honestly don’t know when or how having a boyfriend/girlfriend became so so……cheap and common amongst muslims.
I know what am about to say or rather explain to you is going to be somewhat hard for those who have got a boyfriend or girlfriend to understand but best believe, you’ve got to do the right thing & accept the truth, act on it no matter how bitter or hurtful it is. The deen has to come first in everything. This may even seem like an impossible choice for some to make but nothing is impossible with the help of Allah, especially when ironically the relationship is going good.
Let’s rectify these Common Excuses
[But but there’s nothing wrong with having a bf/gf, you say?…
Habibtee/Habibii, you can’t continue sinning whilst you know what’s haram from halal. It’s been made clear. What you are in(boyfriend/girlfriend) is haraam .You can’t be in a haraam relationship. It’s not allowed in islam. Plus It’s not worth disobeying Allah. Infact nothing in this world is worth disobeying Allah. Nothing, zilch, nada. No man or woman is worth disobeying Allah. You can’t step out of the boundaries of Allah expecting His blessing; noo, it doesn’t work that way, even in terms of relationships. I don’t want you to be living in sin.
“… Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking BOYFRIENDS…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:25]
[But but I’ve never felt this way before…..]
Tayyib, you might feel happy, “loved”, joy, you name it for what you have for each other now in this world but the punishment thereafter in the hereafter is eternal. I don’t want you to risk a temporary feeling you have for each other for eternal punishment. E T E R N A L. No one wants to get roasted in hell. N O O N E.
[But I didn’t know how I got myself into this.. It just happened…]
I don’t know how some got into this, such (bf/gf relationship). I guess they probably gave into their desires and let shaytan win over them.
[But ours is “halal”……]
You think just cause you don’t (pardon my language) hug, kiss, touch etc each other and what not that will make your relationship outside wedlock halal? No, you can’t make something that’s been made haraam halal just to satisfy your desires.
Plus shaytan always has a way of playing tricks on you; you never know how or when he gets you.
You can decieve man but you can’t decieve Allah! No such thing as “Halal boyfriend/girlfriend”!!
[But I love him/her…..]
You can be poles apart, miles away and an ocean far but if Allah wills for you two to be together then you will be (the halal way ofcourse; through marriage).
And you know, no good muslim parent will want their kid to be in a relationship without their knowledge talk less of a kind of relationship that’s prohibited in islam. I believe that’s like disobeying your parents behind their back. You wouldn’t want to do to your parents what you don’t want your kids to do to you (in future). We all wouldn’t want that. Besides if they don’t know about this, Allah knows about it. And remember, Allah is watching, angels recording. So there’s no two ways about it.
Also, your spouse, like death, has already been written for you, but just as death comes to us by Allah’s will, so does love. Till then, Duas, Sabr , Duas, Sabr !
[I don’t know how to end the relationship; I can’t….]
If you continue this, knowing well it is haraam you will be questioned and punished by Allah after knowing the truth and not acting on it. (Well, except if you SINCERELY repent). How can you derive enjoyment/pleasure from that which leads you to hell? What happened to “deen over dunya”? What happened to “Allah over everything”?!
‘….and it maybe that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know'(Q2:216)So, put your trust in Him.
[I’ll end it much later….or when I’m ready….]
Ya ukhti/Akhi; The Sunnah, the better.
There & then, when the sahabas were commanded to do something or prohibited from doing something, they’d say “We hear and we obey”. And immediately adhere to Allah’s commands and prohibitions. It’s very unfortunate, “we hear and delay” now. Very very unfortunate. Allahu musta’an.
Who promised you later? How are you sure you will be alive in the next seconds? What IF you die having a boyfriend? What IF and just what IF you die when committing a sin with your boyfriend? How would you face Allah? (By the way, I’ll do it “later” is one of the tricks of shaytan)
[But Allah forgives….]
Haqq! Allah forgives IF only you repent sincerely and do not persist in committing that same sin.
Never understimate a sin. You might think of a sin to be small when in reality that same sin can wipe away ALL your good deeds. And that sin alone can lead one to hell.
Allah is Full of Mercy, Oft-Forgiving BUT He is also Most Severe in Punishment. There should be a balance between Hope for Allah’s Mercy and Fear of His Punishment.
[But we love each other…so much….]
According to one of our past pious predecessors,he said & I quote; “To fall in love is a disease & its cure is to marry the person one you are in love with.”
For everything Allah prohibited He made a lawful substitute. And the lawful substitute for boyfriend/girlfriend is marriage.
I wish he/she had come later on in life, then you guys would be eligible enough to have a halal relationship through marriage but I guess so Allah willed….Or wait! You can now, if your parents are ok with everything, but if they’re not, then accept it as Allah’s will and be patient!
[But I’ll be breaking his/her heart….]
You might think you are breaking their heart when you decide to end the haraam relationship; when in reality you are saving their Eeman. But Allah knows, you had, have no intention of hurting them or anything close to that. Allah is the Turner of Hearts.
Perhaps they might hate you for doing the right thing but you have no choice, You have to *do* the right thing. You have to tell them the truth. And perhaps they might even respect you more and It doesn’t even matter what anyone thinks of you as long as you are doing the *right* thing. Besides who would want to be in a relationship which is deprived of Allah’s blessings and incurs Allah’s wrath?
Honestly, this kind of relationships have more disadvantages than advantages(if you even think there are)
Haram always leads to pain, regrets & His Wrath & Halal always leads to goodness & His Pleasure. If not in this dunya, then in akhirah.
Having a bf/gf brings problems even later in life, who would want to marry a guy/girl who has had numerous boyfriends or girlfriends
People end up being regretful, hurtful, losing a part of them, you just name it. If only they’d avoided a haraam relationship from the start all that wouldn’t have happened.
Every downfall has a reason and a lesson, without them we wouldn’t know better. I’m sure as you move on, the feelings will fade so will your heart be healed (in shaa Allah ta’ala). Plus, whatever we give up for the sake of Allah, He replaces it with something even more better than we could ever imagine. Every disappointment is a blessing from Allah in disguise.
Guarding chastity from immorality is one thing that can purify the soul, bring peace to nations, and maintain security!
Perhaps some muslims after reading this, will ignore and continue the relationship but remember Allah is watching, angels recording. We all will account for our deeds. And for whatever sin we commit or continue to commit, remember – [And whosoever does evil equal to the weight of an atom, shall see it – Qur’an 99:18] If not in this dunya, then in akhirah.
If you are destined for each other then (in shaa Allah) Allah will re-unite you two together. If not, in shaa Allah, best believe in Him for Allah always knows what’s best for us.
You probably have known each other with full of promises. You probably have built your bond with full of hopes but would you like a bond which is far from Allah’s blessing & incur His wrath upon you two? No? I thought so too.
I sincerely pray that Allah the Almighty guides you two towards the peace and serenity of Islam and that you are blessed with wonderful spouse(s) who will be your protector, who will guard you with righteousness, who will be your pillar of strength and your source nmof mercy, and who will lead you to live the happiest of lives & above all, lead you two Jannah.
Love is beautiful. To love is a wonderfully amazing feeling. But to love and to be loved is beyond words. Don’t ruin such a beautiful feeling by stepping out of the boundaries of Allah to incur His Wrath.
The solution for two people in love is marriage according to the Qur’an and Sunnah of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم
Remember; “Women impure for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honorable.” (An-Nur: 26)
Deep down inside you know the truth. Don’t let your nafs (desires) control you, don’t worship your desires!
Wallah the pleasure of a haraam lifestyle ain’t worth the pain of hellfire.
And Allah knows best….
I sincerely hope all I’ve said (typed in this case), doesn’t make you harbor any hatred towards me or ill feeling. I love you fillah & I want what’s best for you, for everyone; Jannah!
Keep it halal dear brothers & sisters
I ask Allaah to keep us far away from that which is forbidden, to protect us from all that may earn His wrath and to keep us safe from a painful punishment.
So…. what’s it gonna be? Halal or haraam? Is s(he) going to be your stepping stone to Jannah (paradise) or Jahannam (hell)? Husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend?